Stan Slovin, author of Better Listening: The Secret to Improving Your Professional and Personal Life, reveals how mastering the skill of listening can transform leadership, strengthen relationships, and enhance everyday communication. His simple yet powerful method: pause and reflect, clarify, and respond with empathy, offers a practical path to becoming a more effective and compassionate listener.
Chapters
00:00 … Intro
01:38 … Project Management Master Quest
03:46 … Meet Stan
06:08 … Stan’s Approach to Better Listening
05:03 … Transformative Power of Listening
06:38 … What is Getting in the Way?
08:07 … Pause and Reflect
09:35 … Clarify
10:19 … Empathy
11:18 … Build Your Empathy Muscle
13:45 … Empathy in Action
15:12 … When to Empty the Bucket
17:51 … Signs of Not Listening
20:08 … Importance of Body Language
22:02 … Voicing Opinions Safely
23:49 … The Droppage in Listening
26:47 … When You’re Not Being Listened To
29:06 … 10 Second Rule
31:49 … Find Out More
33:10 … Closing
Intro
WENDY GROUNDS: Hello, and welcome to Manage This, the podcast by project managers for project managers, and anyone out there trying to keep their projects on track. We’re so thrilled to have you joining us. If you are enjoying the show, we’d love to hear from you, if it’s on our website Velociteach.com, social media, or your favorite podcast app. Your feedback helps us keep inspiring and supporting project managers like you.
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Project Management Master Quest
For those of you that are new to your PM journey, or those of you that just want to have some fun with project management, this might be a fun opportunity for you.
If you’re looking for an engaging way to earn PDUs and sharpen your PM skills, I would like to recommend checking out Project Management Master Quest. This opportunity runs every day throughout September, and it’s the kind of challenge you’ll actually look forward to.
It’s a free daily challenge where you’ll follow two rising stars, Victoria and Halldór, as they rotate through different companies in a global project management exchange program. Your job is to help them navigate tough project calls that could make or break their careers.
Each day brings a new, scenario inspired by real project situations. Just a few minutes a day is all it takes, and it’s a smart way to stay sharp, build confidence, and pick up a few insights along the way. It’s like your favorite project management podcast, but this time, you get to call the shots.
You’ll earn points for correct answers, build a streak, and see your stats grow over time. There’s even a leaderboard, so if you’re a little competitive, you can have some friendly competition with your colleagues.
No sign-up is needed. Just head to P M Master Quest dot com, that’s http://www.pmmasterquest.com/, select a username and password, and your quest begins.
Meet Stan
Our guest today is Stanford Slovin. He’s a seasoned financial professional. He’s a dedicated advocate for the power of empathetic and reflective listening. He has over 30 years of experience in wealth management, and this journey led him to spend a decade researching and refining listening techniques, ways to drive those meaningful connections and get outstanding results in our projects and in life. So, he’s going to share some insights from a book he wrote on “Better Listening: The Secret to Improving Your Professional and Personal Life.” So, let’s get ready to explore the transformative impact of listening in your career and everyday interactions.
Hi, Stan. Welcome to Manage This. Thank you so much for joining us today.
STAN SLOVIN: Thank you very much, Bill, Wendy for having me on Manage This. I’m very excited to be here.
Stan’s Approach to Better Listening
WENDY GROUNDS: We are excited to talk to you. I think it’s going to be a great conversation, and we’re going to listen well to all your advice and all that you bring today. Now, you started in wealth management. You’ve been in wealth management for over 30 years. So how did that influence your approach to listening? Give us a little bit of background.
STAN SLOVIN: Yeah, so I think early on in my career because, you know, wealth management is all about advising and telling people what to do. And I started realizing that we were just kind of talking at people, and we were just not really getting a sense of what was important to them and what was what they were trying to achieve because we had our agenda. And as my career was going, I figured it out, like, “Oh, my gosh, I’m not a really great listener. You know, I need to be better.”
And I started realizing that the industry also had that issue. And I wanted to really try to change the narrative. Instead of just responding all the time, just maybe pausing and getting a better understanding of what is important to the client, what is important to the relationship. And that really was where I started, you know, putting things together and coming up with this better listening approach.
Transformative Power of Listening
WENDY GROUNDS: You talk about the transformative power of listening. Do you have a story from your career? Is there something that has really impacted you because of listening better? Is there a story that you have, a personal story?
STAN SLOVIN: I do have a story. It’s a universal story and then a very, very personal story. The universal story was I learned early on in our industry, in the wealth management industry, that the number one reason, number one reason why high net worth individuals left their advisor was not performance. It was that the client in the relationship did not feel that the advisor was truly listening to them, that they had their best interests, that they knew what was most important to them. And that was the number one reason why people left. And it hit me.
And then personally, I remember early in my career, about 10 years ago, I was sitting with this family. I was ready to give them advice and tell them what to do and blah, blah, blah. And I said, “So this is what we want to do.” And the person looked at me and said, “You’re not really hearing what’s important to us. I mean, I know what you can do. I know how you’re going to do it. But we have so much more to share. And I don’t really know if you really know what’s most important.”
And I mean, it hit me like a Mack Truck. And this was 10 years in the industry. I’ve been 30 years now in the industry. But the next 20 years, I committed myself to that conversation of really early on not saying what’s important to me. The question is, what is most important to you with regards to a relationship?
What is Getting in the Way?
WENDY GROUNDS: Yeah. Now, you’ve said that the world would be a better place if we all listened better, and I agree with that. What do you think is getting in the way of being a better listener?
STAN SLOVIN: Well, you know, I think we’re all good listeners. I really do. I think that the world, in reality, we can be better listeners. And first of all, we’re in a fast-paced world. Okay? We have a lot on our plate. We have a lot of things going on in the world, in our homes. Things are moving so quickly. So, we’re in a society where we’re just cutting off each other. Okay? We’re not allowing others to finish what they’re saying. We’re thinking about what we want to say next, before the person is even done finishing. It’s interesting, it’s like hijacking a conversation. In our car, and I wrote the book on “Better Listening,” my wife will be talking to me, and she goes, “Wait a minute, you are not listening. You wrote the book; okay?”
BILL YATES: Right. You’re so much worse off than me because I didn’t write a book about it.
STAN SLOVIN: Right. So, one thing, the project managers are not alone. But in reality, what we found is that, you know, people are very frustrated when they can’t finish sharing what they feel, and we’re missing so much. And we’re not really learning anything by talking. We already know everything. So, if we’re talking, we’re not pausing and taking the time to hear what’s important to others; or maybe, when we’re on a project, you know, hear what the feedback is because we have just such a way of doing it that we just need to first pause, just tweaking a few things to make it a more impactful conversation, a better dialogue, a more purposeful discussion.
Pause and Reflect
BILL YATES: Stan, this feels like a good time for us to get really practical with our project managers. Okay, speaking on behalf of all project managers, I’m not a great listener. I need to get better. And you are here to help me. So, I love processes. Give me a process for being a better listener.
STAN SLOVIN: Okay. The interesting thing is I think we all know the pieces. It’s just kind of maybe putting it in a simple way, and it will change the dialogue. So, when a project manager is dealing with someone who’s talking to them, okay, we are so ready as leaders and managers of it to just respond. And one of the first things that we can do, the first part of the process is just pause; okay? Take a quick second and really reflect on what the person is saying.
And when I say “reflect,” if a person is like, well, we’re supposed to have this done by Friday, and we have to have these specific, you know, items done, well, instead of responding back, it could be, okay, so it sounds like that we’re working on it, trying to get to the day. Or I feel like that there is like a timeframe. So that reflection part, adding the pieces of reflection. You know, I’m hearing that you’re saying this, or I understand that this is an issue. I want to make sure I’m reflecting that I’m hearing correctly. That’s part one.
So, pause and reflect. You’ll also find out if that is what the person is saying. Because if it’s not, they’ll say, no, no, no, it’s not the timing thing. It’s really, I don’t have the information, the details to get it done. Okay, that was different. So, I was able to reflect and kind of hear what the person was saying.
Clarify
The next part of the process, which is crucial to all leaders and project managers, or any leaders in companies, is to then clarify. Okay, so if you’re saying that Friday is the date, and you need some more information, help me understand that. Clarify that a little bit more. Okay, what else about that? And those few little words, again, if we’re thinking about that, reflecting and then clarifying, it makes that person go deeper into the conversation and think about that. You’re pausing the response. You’re pushing the response later to that conversation so you get a really deep understanding. Especially for project managers, it has to be detailed, has to be specifics. There cannot be the degree of error. So, I want to reflect and clarify before I respond.
Empathy
But here’s the cool part, I think, that just changes the game in listening. After we’re done reflecting, after we’re done clarifying, we need to be more empathetic. We need to add empathy into the conversation. We want that person to feel that we are listening to them, that we are totally understanding what they are saying to us, and that we are paying attention. And that’s important.
And that they know that what they were reflecting to us, we can reflect back in empathy. “You know what, that makes sense. This is not the first time I’ve seen this situation. This is not the first time. You know what, I go through that also. I’m glad you’re bringing that up to me. I’m glad we’re talking about that.” And once we add empathy, we could circle back and say, “Okay, great, what else? Anything more, Bob?” They’re like, “No, I think that’s really good.” And then I can respond. Now I have a much better understanding, and I just have a better response than I did if I just responded in the initial. So that’s a really good process to have in your conversation and your discussion.
Build Your Empathy Muscle
BILL YATES: Again, this is not for me personally. I’m just pretending to be our project managers; right?
STAN SLOVIN: Right.
BILL YATES: So, help us understand for those of us who may struggle with empathy in a professional setting, help us think through what are some ways that I can communicate empathy to those that I’m communicating with. Give us some ways to build our empathy muscle.
STAN SLOVIN: Sure. And it’s a great Chapter 7, by the way, if you’re listening; okay? And we didn’t even plan that question. So, you know, empathy, if you look at great leaders, okay, they will tell you that good leaders are okay listeners. The best leaders are great listeners. And the reason is because they are finding a time in the conversation to let that person know that it’s okay to share. And that when they are sharing their voice, their feedback – and by the way, great for project managers. We want our employees to give us feedback. We want them to share. And we want to encourage them, okay, to come back and to talk with us.
And again, when we’re talking with them, we don’t want to respond. We want to show them that, hey, you know what, you’re not alone. That’s a great empathy thing. “Listen, you’re not alone, okay, being delayed on this project or not understanding it. I don’t want you feeling embarrassed coming back and getting clarification. And by the way, this happens all the time.” That makes a person feel really good that it’s not just them.
The other thing is, on empathy, is that we’re letting people share their feelings. When a person realizes that you’re listening, and that their voice is valued, and it’s important, and it’s being actually, like, really focused on, it makes that person want to share more.
So, our empathy opens up their conversation, opens up their comfort zone, opens up their confidence. And a more confident employee, a more comfortable employee, that feels safe in their environment makes a much better project success. Makes the environment better, makes the retention of employees better. Because when people say this atmosphere is safe, okay, it’s a collaborative, well, I’ll challenge your project managers. If they went around, and they asked their employees do they feel that it is a collaborative, open, sharing, valued environment, okay, it would be interesting to see that survey. So that’s where empathy plays a role.
Empathy in Action
You know, I’ll give you a great example of empathy. When you write a book, by the way, getting reviews is really fun; right? Okay? And when the review says, “Yeah, my employees really are not good listeners so I bought your book,” that’s not a good review. That’s a nice review, but it’s not good. The good review is when the CEO comes off the plane and sends me a text and says, hey, when I got home after reading your book, I was at the dinner table with my daughter. My daughter had a bad day. She was going on with work stuff and friend stuff. And I was going to start doing, hold on, oh, “parental pontification”; okay? I had to look up that word, okay, of course.
But he stopped, and he paused, and he reflected. He said, “So it sounds like you’re really having a tough day.” And then he clarified. He said, “So tell me a little bit more about that. You know, listen, you’re not the only person. This happens all the time. I went through that.” There was the empathy. Okay, I know kind of what you’re feeling. And she went on and went on, and he was about to tell her a response when he said, what else? And she went on for 15, 20 minutes. She got up from the kitchen table, turned around, gave him a hug and said, “Dad, thank you for finally listening to me.”
Now, that to me was not just like a tell me what’s going on, cross your arms. But it’s more of like the process. But he added empathy in there. He showed her that it was okay to share, and that he was really letting her feelings come out. And in a workplace, it works the same way. By adding empathy into that conversation, your project managers will really, perceive value, and your employee’s, that’s when they start working with you, not for you.
When to Empty the Bucket
WENDY GROUNDS: Just one extra thing to add on that. You talk about letting others empty their bucket. Is this something that should also be in a high-stakes project or client meetings or something with stakeholders?
STAN SLOVIN: You know, there’s the pro and con. If we let someone empty their bucket, and it goes on for two or three hours, yes, that’s a problem. So that’s where we get the employee that wants to talk all day. And the project manager has no time for that; okay?
But there has to be that balance where the project manager sets that kind of parameter and opens up so when a person comes and shares, they may say in the very beginning, like, “Listen, I want to talk about something.” Instead of responding, they go into the reflection and the clarification, the empathy. But they say, “Hey, listen, I have a meeting in five or 10 minutes. I want to hear this.”
So, I think the project manager, can set expectations, set a parameter, or set the tone, but doesn’t change the meaning, and still accomplishes, you know, that goal so that the person, if they have more to say, they say, “Hey, listen, let’s do this. I want to table this. I like what you’re talking about. And I want to go more into that. So, let’s set up a time, okay, because I want to keep hearing because it really sounds like that’s very valuable.”
BILL YATES: That’s so affirming to a team member. I know from my own standpoint it means a lot to me when a friend or a leader or a coworker expresses that to me: “The bad news is I don’t have time right now. I’ve got to go into a meeting, or I have a phone call or whatever. But I really want to hear more about that.” And they don’t just end it there. They say, “When do you have time? What works for you?” You know, I just – I feel heard, and they want to know what’s going on.
STAN SLOVIN: Yeah. You know, it’s so funny, Bill, because the project manager sometimes will come and ask, they’ll say, you know, when I ask a question, I just need a yes or no. But I know that that’s not the right route. I know I should be asking open-ended questions. You know, open-ended questions are much more effective.
And that’s one of the other things I would say is in better listening, brush off that shelf of open-ended questions because we always fall back into the yes-no’s again. And it’s really important, especially project managers, that they need to get a tone.
By the way, that’s also in when they’re meeting a new client for the first time, that’s the best time to ask the open-ended question. And when they ask the question of the new client, and the client gives a response, instead of the project manager going to the next question: “You know, this is interesting, tell me more about that because it sounds like you’ve had that experience before. How did that work for you in the past?”
And ask those open-ended questions in that first meeting. And then using the reflection, using the clarification, adding some empathy. By the way, that will change, again, game-changing in their new meetings with their new clients and their new projects. They have not been asked like that, ever. Again, it’s that “talk at” as opposed to “listening.”
Signs of Not Listening
WENDY GROUNDS: What are some signs that we’re not truly listening even when we think we are?
STAN SLOVIN: Well, the obvious sign is distraction. That’s the obvious sign. We have our cell phones. We have our texting. We’re also not interested. We sometimes can’t focus. The mind is not geared to listen at a long period of time so we lose our attention span. That’s why checking in, the act of leaning forward, the eye contact, breaking it up and asking questions of the other person, all of those things can kind of bring that person back.
But the signs are distractions, number one; and number two, personality. Sometimes you’re dealing with, and by the way, some project managers, you know, they have to be very driven and specific; yet their audience is, you know, more fluffy and more, you know, they want to build a clock. Okay? And it doesn’t really work that well.
So, the project managers have to have a little bit of flexing. That’s the term. They need to flex a little bit. They need to know who their audience is. By the way, not just their employees; but their clients, you know, their prospects. They have to get an idea. Is it an engineering type? Is it a healthcare industry? An IT industry? You know, how does that person respond back to you? Very specific, black and white? Or are they going to just talk all day, and you have to kind of corral them back?
So, I think the signs are one, distraction; two, understanding who your audience is and trying to flex a little bit toward that audience so that it becomes a more effective conversation. And then again, breaking it up with good open-ended questions, not just talk at but involve them, interact with them, engage with them. But it’s challenging for project managers because, if they don’t get the result, they get frustrated. They think, what could we have done differently?
And a lot of times it really was in the beginning, and that is they could have asked more. Set the expectations of open dialogue. So how can we best communicate? How can I check in and make sure that we’re on the same page? And that early on, early onset I think prevents at the very end of either disappointment or just lack of understanding or, you know, lack of execution.
Importance of Body Language
BILL YATES: To me, it goes back to body language a lot, too. If my body language doesn’t match what’s coming out of my mouth, then that’s a sure sign that I’m not listening or paying attention or really tracking the conversation.
And I know we had a helpful conversation with Jeff Baird. I think it was like Episode 152. He’s a body language specialist. And it’s pretty convicting when you look at our desire to listen and some of the things that get in the way, some of those distracters; and how, if I have a team member, and maybe I do ask them a good question, but then I immediately start showing them physical signs of I’m not paying attention to what you’re saying, I’ll lose credibility with them.
STAN SLOVIN: Yeah.
BILL YATES: So, making sure that, you know, we’re aligned, our body language is aligned with what we’re asking and how we’re engaging and listening with people.
STAN SLOVIN: Yeah, I mean, and you think about when we’re at a cocktail party or a networking event; okay? And someone’s talking to you, and then all of a sudden, they turn away, and like they’re talking to someone else. So, when you see the distractions, think about for a second what you’re doing to the other person. They either feel not valued, or it’s not important to have your attention, or that what they’re saying maybe is not valued.
It only takes one extra 10 seconds to look at someone in the eye and say, “You know what? This is great. Thank you for the introduction. I’m going to go and meet someone over there, but I really enjoyed this,” and shake their hand and lean forward and give them eye contact. Fifteen seconds out of your day meant the whole difference of how that person’s going to feel. Okay, remember what we say? Is that what you say, you know, what you do, you know, with how we treat them, right.
And I think that’s a good project manager leadership skill. They know how it’s going to make the other person feel. Okay?
And what we want is we want our employees to be, you know, very productive. But does being productive – they also have to feel that they’re being valued and heard and listened to, yeah.
Voicing Opinions Safely
WENDY GROUNDS: Are there any other big mistakes that you’ve seen people make when it comes to listening or communication?
STAN SLOVIN: You know, I think that the world right now is dealing with so many moving pieces. There are economic, political, cultural, and that’s having an effect on the way that we’re communicating, okay, and the way that we’re communicating to each other. And it’s not just a respect or a consideration factor.
A lot of it is not because of our opinions or our stances or where we’re at. It’s that we’re not listening to each other. We don’t have to agree with each other, but at least have a forum, whether it’s professional or personal, where we can share with each other. And even if we don’t agree, we can at least allow others to share without feeling that we are going to violate our friendship or jeopardize our family or get fired. I think that’s really one takeaway that “Better Listening” really tries to approach. And that is, it’s okay that there’s a lot out there. It doesn’t mean that we can’t have a better communication with each other.
BILL YATES: I think that carries over directly into the teams that project managers lead, too. You know, I think you want your team to think, “This is always a safe place for me to share my opinion.” Even if I’m on the minority side here, even if most of the team says we should go this particular way, and I think we should do it this other way, at least I got to share my idea. And I feel respected, and I’m buying into the decision because I was able to voice my opinion. So, it has a big impact. We have to think about the health of the team, the health of our small organization, and make sure it’s a safe place for people to share their opinions, whether everybody agrees with them or only one or two people do.
The Droppage in Listening
STAN SLOVIN: And I like how you say that. So, Bill, let me ask, so what do we think, then, what’s the big challenge, then, to project managers in terms of listening? Because again, I think if they all were polled, everyone, you know, she or he would say, “I think we’re good listeners.” Where is that droppage? Where do you think that they would find that there’s a droppage?
BILL YATES: Yeah, I think the key is what you mentioned before. As a leader of a team, the project manager wants to be aware of how much time is spent in meetings or in dialogue on a particular topic. So, if they think, “Eh, we’ve already given it 20 minutes, I think we’ve covered all the salient points, let’s move on,” that might be the best for the team, but we have to be careful and read the body language of the team members to make sure that, okay, there may be somebody sitting there who still has more that they need to express on that.
And if that’s the case, then, “Hey, you know what? Let’s give this five more minutes. I want everybody’s voice to be heard. I want to talk through that other option one more time just to make sure that we’ve given it all the oxygen that it needs. Then we can make the right decision.”
So, I think that’s it. I think it’s just that balance of making sure everybody’s heard, but also that we’re using our time wisely. You know how it is if you’re in a team meeting, and you feel like, “Okay, we’ve beaten this thing to death. Let’s move on.” As a leader, you have to be, you know, kind of thinking through that and seeing, reading the room to see if you’ve kind of reached the saturation point on a topic.
STAN SLOVIN: I like that. You know, that project manager is going to say, “So what I’m hearing, okay, I’m going to clarify. Okay, what I’m seeing, I heard some new things, which I want to maybe go deeper on. I think we all have an understanding. And now let me ask you, is there anything else, okay, we didn’t cover?”
Now, sometimes, though, you have those employees, they’re just negative or difficult or challenging all the time. And it gets very, very tough for project managers to accomplish because you have a whole big team. And one of the key great, great ways is not to obviously, and we all know this, not to attack back at that person, but to maybe use that person’s challenge or that person’s concern in a more universal team concern.
You know, “So Wendy, I think you’re sharing with us that because of the materials not coming in, you just keep saying, ‘We’re not going to get this job done.’ And I think what Wendy is saying, Tal, is that we have to kind of monitor when it’s coming in so that when it comes in, we can then push it out to the next. And Wendy, I’m understanding that that’s what you’re talking about. But in addition to that, I think we all have to take that concern.” So, we make it more of a universal, more of a team concern.
So now she feels valued on her comment. She’s not being attacked back; you know? She’s actually being included with the whole group. And at the very end, you may even say, you know, “Listen, great comment, and I appreciate that. Let’s work on that. What else?” So now the person feels validated.
So, there’s how you kind of, not defuse, but you kind of deal with some personalities that are just challenging all the time, or attacking all the time, or negative all the time. And that’s a way to really kind of deal with that.
When You’re Not Being Listened To
WENDY GROUNDS: I want to turn this around a little bit. What about if you’re talking to someone who is a bad listener? You can tell they’re not hearing. They’re not listening to you.
STAN SLOVIN: Run, and run fast. No, no, no. No, absolutely not, no. We’re going to give a solution on that one.
WENDY GROUNDS: You know, just to get some confirmation that I am being heard. If you’re talking to someone on the team, and you know they’ve checked out, they’re not listening, how do you really turn them around so that they can actually listen to you?
STAN SLOVIN: It’s a great challenge because it happens all the time. The big problem is when you have a person that is not a good listener, you stop listening and that’s not good for each side.
So, I think doing a couple of things. Number one, sometimes you have to break in when they’re just talking and say, “You know, that’s a really good point. I want to hear more about it. It sounds like that you’re not feeling you’re getting clear direction.” Because they would go on and on about that. So, you have to stop them. And you stop them in a polite, courteous, professional, but very, very constructive way. So that’s the first thing because that will then stop them from talking. They’re not being a good listener; we have to check in more.
So, the project manager says, you know, “The last couple times we went over this, it doesn’t seem that I think I was communicating clearly enough because we’re not getting a good response from each other. I’m not sure if you’re not understanding it, or you’re not hearing it, or maybe I’m not doing a good job in communicating. I want to hear from you.” So, this is where you ask them to reflect back to you.
“Before we leave the conversation, I just want to make sure, tell me what you heard from this conversation of what I’m expecting and what we need to do.” That’s a great line. That’s how you get them to make sure that they were listening. And when they find out that they’re not, we don’t have to be too hard on them. Just have to come back and say, “Hey, listen, that’s good. But let me go over one or two more things specifically because I want to make sure we’re accomplishing this.”
So those would be three specific ways. Break the conversation. Check in with them and make sure that they regurgitate back to you so that you’re clear that they were listening; and when you find out that they’re not listening, come back to them in a more constructive but helpful way; and then check in at the end. Does that make sense? Is that better?
10 Second Rule
BILL YATES: We had a guest on; it was Episode 150. We had Scott Jeffrey Miller, and we were talking with him just about, you know, how to be better leaders. And he brought up how much he hates listening, and how he had to grow in that area. You know, he knew it was like a stumbling block for him. And he said, “Hey, listening sucks.” He’s like, “Because I’m full of answers. I’m ready to jump in and give answers.”
And for our teams, our team leaders, we can think of that. We can think, yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m trying to be as patient as I can with this team member. But oh, my gosh, if they would just stop so I could tell them what the right thing is to do or what they should do for the customer. And just these techniques are so good. I remember he said personally he had to come up with a 10-second rule where, to interrupt somebody, he’d want to jump in, and he knew it wasn’t the right thing. He needed to show respect and let them finish their thought. So, he would count, you know, he’d bite his tongue and count inside his head, not out loud, for 10 seconds.
STAN SLOVIN: Yeah.
BILL YATES: Just to slow himself down. The advice that you’re sharing is so good for team members because there are times when I could, back when I was working on active teams with projects where we had an external customer, you know, we’d go to the customer’s site and work with them. We’d elicit requirements from them, give them feedback, show them things, train them. We were helping them use a new software system. So, there was a lot of back and forth. And for some of our team members, they just weren’t as good at listening.
And, you know, and you could see that it was limiting their career, their career path because they weren’t as strong at listening as they needed to be. So, the client could see that, and they would lose respect or wouldn’t have opportunities that other team members would. Your sharing these steps, sharing this advice and being brave enough to raise that awareness with a team member is – it’s really crucial.
STAN SLOVIN: It’s impactful. And it’s profitable because, again, the more communication and the more productivity, the better the earnings, the more retention of clients. You know, Stephen Covey, the author, said, “We talk to respond, but we really should be talking to understand
And by the way, a response sharing – this is for all your project managers – getting a response is not the true response. Going deeper and getting a reflection, a clarification, an empathy, a check-in is a much better response which is much more valuable to the project manager, which then makes the project more effective, quicker, effective, efficient. And that’s where we really get that kind of differentiator. I think Richard Branson said, “Your greatest asset of your business, your greatest asset are your employees, are the people who are working with you.” So, if they’re your most valuable, we can’t just be good listeners. We have to be great listeners.
Find Out More
WENDY GROUNDS: If our audience wants to find out more or reach out to you to find out a bit about what you do, where’s the best place for them to go?
STAN SLOVIN: My name, you know, Stanford Slovin. First of all, I always say to anybody that gets a chance to go on Amazon or anywhere, it’s just “Better Listening: The Secrets to Improving Your Professional and Personal Life.” But the most important thing that I would do as a takeaway is, if they get one good nugget, two good nuggets out of this that helps them change or improve, I’d love to hear the feedback. And they can do that just by doing BetterListeningBook.com or BetterListeningBook@gmail.com.
BILL YATES: You know, this is so helpful, Stan. This is an area that we should all grow in. Knowing that we’re never going to arrive; right? There’s always areas for growth in terms of listening, listening better, being more empathetic. Some of the things that I’ve kidded around with you about, those are huge. They’re impactful on teams, they’re impactful on people’s productivity and just their life score, if you will. You know, how satisfied are you in life? Well, how well are you listening?
STAN SLOVIN: I would say this to all your project managers. It only takes a couple of seconds to compliment someone; right? Or say thank you, or to be grateful. You know, we talk about that all the time. But to be a better listener, we could all do that. And that will make the hugest difference in their communication, their relationships. So, thank you very much for having me, as well.
Closing
WENDY GROUNDS: That’s it for us here on Manage This. Thank you for joining us. You can visit us at Velociteach.com, where you can subscribe to this podcast and see a complete transcript of the show.
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